Gentle Ben
You’re overthinking it, Greg, just work on the rope pun.
When I was twelve, my best friend Wilson told me an old guy wearing a hat gave him fifty dollars to suck his penis in the tennis court toilets at the end of our street. Fifty dollars was a lot of money to a twelve-year-old back then and I was far more jealous than shocked. I’d ridden my bike around the tennis courts hundreds of times over the years and was only ever offered a slice of pineapple by Mrs Dawson who lived across the road from the courts.
I’d once spent an afternoon at Mrs Dawson’s house, playing with her son Jason, because my mother made me. Jason had muscular dystrophy and we spent four hours doing a jigsaw puzzle of London’s Big Ben so I never went back. I’m pretty sure Mrs Dawson only chased me down with the pineapple to tell me Jason missed me and point out the fact that he was waving through the window. She made me promise I’d visit again but I heard Jason died so that was lucky.

I wrote ‘London’s’ Big Ben above so you wouldn’t get it confused with the 1960s television series, Big Ben, about a young boy’s friendship with a bear. After writing the sentence before this one, I checked Wikipedia to see if Big Ben was broadcast in the 60s or 70s, and discovered it wasn’t called Big Ben at all, it was called Gentle Ben, so I may have Alzheimer’s.

For those who haven’t seen Gentle Ben, it was basically Flipper with a bear. All I remember of the series is that the boy’s father rode through swampy marshes on one of those boats with a giant propeller on the back, and the bear always saved the day by tugging a rope. It wouldn’t matter what the issue was, a bank robbery or bomb diffusion, the bear, which may have been named Ben but I’m not sure of anything anymore, tugged a rope. The boy would then make a rope related pun such as, “Guess they got roped into that one,” and the father would laugh and tussle the boy’s hair.
Apart from coming up with a different rope related pun each week, working on the script must have been a pretty cushy job.
“Right, episode 82, there’s a cattle stampede and the bear tugs a rope and saves the day.”
“But it doesn’t make any sense. Why are cattle stampeding in a marsh and how would tugging a rope stop them?”
“You’re overthinking it, Greg, just work on the rope pun.”
“Fine. How about, ‘well he sure roped them in’?”
“Didn’t we use that in the episode where the bear saved the school bus from going over a cliff by tugging on a rope?”
“No, that was, ‘Ropey ropey rope rope’.”
“Ah yes, not one of your best.”