It's ok Edward, nobody is going to hurt you. After sending his entry, Edward locked the front door, took the telephone off the hook, and sat peeking out the window through closed blinds.
Sometimes I play a game with my partner Holly that consists of seeing somebody wearing Terry Toweling and saying "Look, there's Terry." Then we laugh and go to Waffle House. Sometimes, I mix it up and, seeing someone wearing a trenchcoat for example, will say "Look there's Tammy" and she will ask "Tammy who?" to which I reply "Tammy Trenchcoat." Yes, I know you're thinking 'what a fun couple, lets invite them around for dinner' but it makes Holly laugh so that's all that matters. If I drove past Timothy while he was posing for this photo, I would say "Look, there's Barry."
"Just take the photo Marjorie. It's the red button on top of the camera. You just push it, what part of 'push the red button on the top of the camera don't you understand? Just press the button down. You don't have to stand that close. I swear to god Marjorie. Is my whole head in shot? Just press the red button..."
#03B The Bloggess
Yes, Jenny 'the bloggess' Lawson just barged in and yelled "Why aren't I on the list? I'm fucking famous. And I had better win that iPad or I'm taking your link off my website
." Jenny is disqualified for threatening instead of bribing.
There were a lot of Ryans who entered the competition for some reason, also a lot of Michaels. This Ryan was the only Ryan who went to some effort though. Two of the other Ryans took photos of the book on a table and one sent in a photo of his Barnes & Noble invoice. For a different book. Ryan's re-creation of my dog dressed as a bear
wins special brownie points even if nowhere in the article did I have the words "I'm a bear rawr." I will assume Ryan has included this sign so I didn't miss the connection and think it was just some cold guy sitting in a car.
Another Ryan. Going by the expression and outfit, having another electronic device in the house that reduces Ryan's 'outside time' is probably not a good idea. It's up to you though, if you vote for Ryan and he ends up taking a gun to school, it's not my problem.
Taking time out between gigs, professionally acclaimed Demis Roussos impersonator, Richard, likes to relax with a glass of brandy and a good laugh.
After seeing the previous six entries, Betty probably has your vote so far. You can scroll back up later, they only get worse from here.
You were warned. Dave is disqualified because nobody has cared about clowns since 1952.
I actually found this photo more frightening than the one of the guy in the clown suit. Please don't kill me Andrew.
I don't think Greg has any idea what is going on. Someone has passed Greg a book, snapped a shot off, and grabbed back the book. Greg has pretty much had enough of this shit.
"I forgot to mention the no hat rule. Lori is disqualified.
I quite like this picture so I have decided to remove the no hat rule. Good luck Andrew.
The no hat rule has been reinstated. Disqualified.
Three books? That's a pretty solid effort Stephen. You should get three iPads for this. Pity about the no hat rule. Disqualified.
This counts as a hat. Disqualified.
As a designer, I am often required to source photographs for use in advertising material. I usually get stock model images from istock.com and, while on there, I am pretty sure I saw Ryan having a picnic, splashing on the beach and shaking hands in a business meeting.
It took me a few minutes to work out what is going on in this photograph. As Michael hasn't updated his furniture since 1984, I'm not sure a modern looking iPad 2 will go with his décor but he could probably use it to catalogue his collection of Duran Duran and Caberet Voltaire LPs.
I have seen this expression before. And it never ends well.
The look on Justina's face says it all; "I am finding this book very amusing and am pleased with my purchase."
Hiding your face in the photograph was a common theme among the entries. I class this as cheating so these entrants are disqualified unless a degree of effort went into them. Almost no effort went into this one but I have included it because Star Trek fans are excluded from enough things without me adding to their issues.
Each copy of the book comes with a free 1:1 ratio telescope so I am awarding Alex with five bonus points for demonstrating the product in use. I am also deducting five points for the shirt and curtains.
It made perfect sense to Mike to purchase an electronic version of the book which is the printed version of electronic content. Yes, the book has more material than on the website but really? I am not a big fan of 'e-books'. Dog-ears are a mark of being read, lent, re-read... Next time I am in Barnes & Noble, I am going to kick over the nook display on my way out. Also, Mike already has an iPad so he is disqualified. It's my contest so yes, I can
make up the rules as I go along.
John has managed to include 'giving the finger' in his entry which would normally attract bonus points. Unfortunately, John looks like my eighth grade gym teacher, Mr Peters, who punched me in the back of the head for calling him Mr Peterphile after he made me play soccer in my underwear when I forgot my shorts. Disqualified.
There was a total of twelve entries of people photographing themselves on the toilet. I'm not sure what the point of this was so they are all disqualified except Dawn who was first, is Canadian, and has NairŪ on the shelf behind her.
"Hello, my name is Abel and I'm not allergic to bees."
Really Adrian? You already have an iPad and glasses without bottoms and you want more? There are children starving in the world that need a second iPad way more than you do. I'm not going to contribute to an even greater expression of smugness by rewarding you for this nonsense. Disqualified.
Behind Mason is a whiteboard. I received at least four entries with the same whiteboard in the background and, I assume, the same book. Mason is one of the cheats mentioned in the panel of text on the left that nobody reads. Mason needs to learn that "cheaters never win" so he is disqualified.
I forgot to mention that those 'popping' their collar will be instantly disqualified.
This entry from Adrien was actually the first entry received. It has no outstanding qualities apart from that fact but Adrien looks like a nice guy so I have included it.
This entry also displays no outstanding qualities, unless you count Rachel's decision to flout convention and wear green, but she has a friendly face and I think Rachel and Adrien (#30) would make a great couple. They should go out on a date. I might send each the other's email address with a brief introduction.
The logo on Tyler's shirt reads 'Sherwin Williams' so I am assuming Tyler took a break from selling paint to pose for this. I have no idea what the point of 'this' is but, in between using the shaking machine and recommending bristle lengths, he must have spent a good four minutes coming up with the concept. Tyler's favourite paint swatches are 192A and 1784E.
Another entry featuring a re-created scene from the book. Matt gets five bonus points for this effort and an additional five for his "I want a beard and a moustache and another little beard but I don't want any of them to touch" daily shaving routine. There is no way I could be bothered with this degree of upkeep so Matt deserves to win the iPad for his dedication alone. Even if he doesn't get time to use it. Unfortunately, the rules clearly state 'no hipsters'. Disqualified.
"Hello, my name is Joe. I enjoy reading, holding the world ransom by threatening to use the laser I have built inside a secret mountain, and pop-tarts."
I was quite excited when I saw this entry but after googling "what is the name of the kid in two and a half men" and discovering that the kid's name is Angus, I was kind of cross at Alex for wasting my time. So Alex is disqualified.
New rule. No Green T-shirts. Disqualified.
Sorry Henry, it's a pity to disqualify you on a colour based technicality after the amount of effort you put in, no don't get up
, but I don't make the rules.
Lucky last. Even though the muppets was a dreadful show, I was forced to watch it everytime I stayed at my grandparents house when I was a child. Although Colin has broken almost every rule by 1. hiding his face, 2. technically wearing a hat and 3. wearing a green shirt, he is not disqualified for any of these reasons. He is disqualified for making me think about dead grandparents.
There were a lot more entries than the above 40 but I became bored with this well before I got to number 10 so everyone else that sent in their entry is disqualified. To vote for who you think should win the iPad 2, tweet the words "Dear @27bslash6, number (place number here) is the least lame. http://bit.ly/kbyCeY" or facebook your vote
if you don't use Twitter. The entry that gets the most votes wins. The following five top votes win promo packs. An additional five promo packs will be given away to those that vote.