Kingfishers
My good friend Ross lost his job at the box factory last week. He'll probably starve to death. I’m not sure how he lost his job - his version depends on how much he’s had to drink - but apparently the Human Resources Manager had it out for Ross from day one...

“Really, she should need a warrant to check my desk drawers.”
“Yes, so what are you going to do, Ross?”
“Order another round of beers and then sing karaoke.”
“No, I meant about employment.”
“I’ll work something out. I hated that job anyway. I was like a clipped kingfisher.”
“Sorry?”
“A kingfisher with its wings clipped. So it can’t fly away.”
“Why a kingfisher?”
“What’s wrong with kingfishers?”
“Nothing, but the type of bird isn’t generally specified in the clipped wings analogy. It’s just a bit strange that you chose a kingfisher.”
“They dive into the water to catch fish.”
“So?”
“Name one other bird that dives into the water to catch fish.”
“Pelicans.”
“Do they? Regardless, nobody keeps pelicans as pets.”
“Do people keep kingfishers as pets?”
“That’s not the point. It’s my favourite bird. If I were a bird, I’d be a kingfisher. What kind of bird would you be?”
“I don’t know, maybe an African Grey Parrot.”
“Weak. Parrots can’t dive for fish.”
“Parrots can speak. I’ll just ask you for a fish.”
“I’m not giving you any of my fish. Ask Holly what her favourite bird is.”
“Holly, what’s your favourite bird?”
“What? Why?”
“So Ross can tell you it’s weak because it can’t dive for fish.”
“I quite like cardinals. It’s the state bird of Virginia.”
“What did she say?”
“She said she likes cardinals.”
“Weak.”