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Mr Carganovsky thinks about me while he is having sex with his hot girlfriend
Under instruction by Mr Carganovsky's lawyers to amend his name and protect his identity, I have complied to avoid the threat of litigation.
The 'issue' began when Mr Carganovsky sent me several emails in which he shared such gems as “Hey poofter. You website is stupid shit and youre stuff is not even funny. I could write better stuff in my fucking sleep. you would not last 5 minutes around here with your stupid shit because you would have the shit beat out of you. I fucking punch you and you wouldent get up for a week fucking faggot. I will think of you while I am screwing my hot girlfriend tonight loser”.
I responded by posting an (admittedly poorly written) article. At no time did I comment on his moustache or having a girls name.
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From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 26 June 2009 11.02am
To: Craig Ellison
Subject: Skye Cargan
Dear Mr Ellison,
Thankyou for your letter. Does the forty eight hours include sleeping time? I like to sleep in till around midday, often longer if it is cold and rainy outside. Today when I got up it was bitterly cold so I sat on the couch watching Blakes-7 dvds wrapped in my doona and therefore technically still in bed.
If I bought two doonas, layed down on them with my arms and legs splayed out, drew the outline of my body then cut out and stitched the doonas together to form a suit, I could wear this to the shops and even to work on cold days. People would probably look at me and say "I wish I had one of those doona suits" and I would say "Yes, it is very warm and comfortable and just like being in bed therefore I am exempt from any deadlines that may be placed on me."
Regards, David.
From: Craig Ellison
Date: Friday 26 June 2009 12.55pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Skye Cargan
Dear Mr Thorne
The 48 hours includes sleeping time. I would advise you to take this matter seriously as anti harrassment laws are very specific and carry penalites ranging from fines to prison time. You would also be liable for all legal fees.
Sincerely, Craig Ellison
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 26 June 2009 1.27pm
To: Craig Ellison
Subject: Re: Re: Skye Cargan
Dear Mr Ellison,
Does the forty hours begin from when you wrote the letter, when I received it, or when I chose to ignore it? Despite your inference, I do indeed take your threats very seriously. The thought of spending time in prison has caused my entire body to break out in a rash. It is a brown, even rash which looks like I have been away on holidays and gotten a tan so that is nice. While I am sure prison would have certain benefits, such as not having to decide what to wear each morning and the opportunity to meet new and interesting people, I have heard that they make you get up early and also expect you to shower in front of each other.
At home, I shower with the lights off as I have a dim view of nudity. I also read once that the other prisoners make you dress up like a lady and dance for them which does not sound like a safe idea. It has taken me years of practice to just walk in high heels let alone dance. I would probably have to do one of those eighties dances where you just keep your legs still and dance with your arms and upper body and the other prisoners would probably get bored and go and do other things. Unless I did the Robot of course which does not involve moving the feet much and everyone loves the Robot.
I only know two other dances; the Matrix where you lean right back waving your arms slowly and the old man dance where I tense up, shuffle my feet intermittently, complain about the music and sit down for a rest. I could probably tap dance as well as it looks easy but nobody likes that rubbish.
Regards, David.
From: Craig Ellison
Date: Friday 26 June 2009 3.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Skye Cargan
Dear Mr Thorne
What does this all have to do with removing our clients name and photo from your website? I would strongly advise you not to ignore our letter. If references to our client are not removed by 5pm Wednesday 7th of July we will file a complaint with the courts pending instruction from Mr Cargan.
Sincerely, Craig Ellison
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 26 June 2009 4.21pm
To: Craig Ellison
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Skye Cargan
Dear Mr Ellison,
I understand. In the event that this proceeds to court, will you appear for me as a character witness? I enjoy room temperature, pushing buttons with a really smooth push button action and getting a little bit wet in the rain then quickly running inside. Should you require more information, I am happy to meet up with you for a coffee or watch a dvd and discuss further. Have you seen the movie Waterworld? I haven't but I have heard it is terrible so we would not watch that. We could read to each other if you preferred.
There is a chance we could even become close friends through this which would be a nice outcome. I read somewhere that lawyers are second only to dentists in regards to committing suicide so you would have someone to talk to when you are down about everyone despising you. I would probably talk you out of committing suicide and you would owe me your life and buy me nice things. I would pretend to feel uncomfortable about accepting them and say "you don't have to feel obligated, that's what friends do" but really I would be quite happy about it. I am a size 32 in pants.
Regards, David.
From: Craig Ellison
Date: Monday 29 June 2009 9.36am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Skye Cargan
David, please just remove the references to Mr Cargan from your website. He has not given you permission to use his image or name. His posting information on Facebook or Myspace does not make that information public property. I have spoken to Mr Cargan in regards to this matter and while it is my understanding that he initiated the contact and the webpage was your response, it would be preferrable to all concerned that you end this now to avoid possible litigation.
Sincerely, Craig Ellison
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 29 June 2009 10.09am
To: Craig Ellison
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Skye Cargan
Dear Mr Ellison,
I appreciate Mr Cargan's preference for anonymity all to well. Each day before I leave the house, I dress as an elderly Jamaican woman and am well known in the community as Mrs Cocowan. That way, if I ever find myself involved in a major crime, and it is just a matter of time, they will be looking for a large old black lady that sings for money at the train station and can run suprisingly fast.
If I change Mr Cargan's name and place a black rectangle over his eyes, would this be acceptable to you?
Regards, David.
From: Craig Ellison
Date: Monday 29 June 2009 2.42pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Skye Cargan
Dear Mr Thorne
I have spoken to Mr Cargan and we agree that using a different name and placing a black rectangle over his eyes in a way that protects his identity would be an acceptable outcome. I am glad we could bring this issue to an agreeable close.
Sincerely, Craig Ellison
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