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Statements my offspring has made that make me wonder if there was a mixup in the hospital.

Sometimes I cannot work out my offspring. One moment he will state something that catches me off guard with its clarity, then the next come out with something that causes me to think he may be mentally handicapped.
I was called into his school to speak with the teacher recently. Her statement "He has a good sense of humour but he is the only one that gets it" slightly concerned me but her explanation of why he had received three detentions made me laugh which is not the reaction she expected;

Detention 1

Raised his hand during maths class and asked if Kate (a large girl in his class) did not eat for five weeks, would she get skinny or die?

Detention 2

After teachers had calmed down a very upset child , it was discovered that Seb had told her "I heard the teachers saying that your parents died today and you are going to have to live at the school."

Detention 3

While the principal was explaining the 'no nut policy' due to nut allergies during a school assembly, Seb yelled out "Woah, thats a lot of nuts" after watching the movie Kung Pow the night before.

Detention 4

Took a flash drive to school and installed the game Tower Defense on fourteen computers...



Money

"If I had a million dollars I would buy a house with big robot legs."

After paying $7.50 for a coffee

"We should open up a shop next to that one, buy their coffees and sell them from our shop for a dollar more."

Our four door Mazda sedan

"We should paint flames on the side. Girls like cars with flames on the side. You will never get a girlfriend in a car that looks like this."

DVD rental prices

"It makes no sense, this one is four dollars for a whole week and this one is six dollars for one night. It is backwards. Someone should tell them."

After being offered a yoghurt sample in a supermarket

"She was nice, you should ask her to be your girlfriend before someone else does."

Paying for petrol

"Leaves burn, why can't we just fill our car up with them? They are free."

On being asked by a lady in an elevator what he wants to be when he grows up

"Either a model or a police sniper."

Girls

"You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I am not going to tell her where I live or work."

On being told his minibike had been stolen

"I hope they are riding it and the petrol tank blows up and their legs and arms get blown off and when they are in the hospital they think 'I really wish I hadn't stolen that motorbike'."

The supermarket

"If they made the aisles wider we could drive our car in and grab things through the window and pay on the way out like at McDonalds."

Regarding me being upset over a breakup

"She was ugly and fat anyway, I dont even know how you could kiss her."

Explaining the Playstation game Grand Theft Auto 4 to his grandmother

"I don't shoot everybody, just the drug dealers and hookers."

2001 A Space Odyssey

"This movie is so boring. I would rather be staring at the wall and holding my breath for two hours."

Static electricity

"If I am standing on carpet and I get electrocuted, does everybody in the room die apart from me?"

Being told that the park belongs to everybody

"We should buy a fence and make people pay us two dollars to get in."

Relationships

"I am going to have seven girlfriends when I get older so that I can be with a different one every day and then start again on Mondays."

Swimming

"If you swim in the sea then you should always go swimming with a fat girl because sharks will go for them first."

Shoplifting

"If we went into a shop and I put a stereo on and danced, you could run out with a different stereo while everyone is looking at me."

On cleaning up

"It will just get messy again. I like it like this, it shows we have better things to do than cleaning."

Marriage

"If you get married, do you have to let your wife look at your penis?"

Super Powers

"If I could have only one super power it would be to breathe in space."

On having homosexuality explained

"That's gross. Not the bit about girls kissing girls though, that's pretty good."

School

"I don't understand why I have to go to school at all, the internet knows more than all the teachers there put together."

Religion

"If I was god I would make all the girls in the world wear no clothes."

Hygiene

"You should never wash your hands because then you will have more germs than everything else and other germs will just think "what's the point."


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