Disclaimer

This website contains material for my amusement only. You are not granted permission to access the information on this site and if you choose to do so by viewing any of the articles either through this page or from an external link, you agree to waive all rights. This site may contain personal misinformation. Activities and vehicle modifications appearing or described on this site may be potentially dangerous. Unless the word sheep has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this disclaimer, it does not have any purpose and may be ignored.


Copyright © David Thorne 2008-2014 All rights reserved.

Ten Questions

Any remaining Interview time, that would otherwise be wasted on chatting, can be spent sitting quietly avoiding eye contact.
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Justin's Floodlight

I'm not surprised you get along well with the neighbours. If you put fifty children with Down's syndrome in a room there is going to be a lot of hugging.
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Ten F26-A Formal Complaints in six months

After receiving three, you are meant to have some kind of formal meeting between the parties involved but this never happened.
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It just needs to be more branded

Art is subjective. Dropshadows lift the type off the page as if they are 3D. You probably don't even know how to do them.
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Things Holly and I Have Argued About This Week

A story of conflict and concession. Kind of like the movie Rain Man except nobody knows how to count cards.
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I have read your website and it is obviously that your a foggot.

As it is more acceptable for men in West Virginia to hold guns than hands, I will assume the term 'shooting me in the face with your .32' is not a euphemism.
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You have to do your timesheets. Everyone does.

I missed you while you were away. To counter this, I placed a plank of wood in your chair and wrote ‘Simon’ on it. He said I could use your stuff.
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Dear Customer, I hope you fall and break your neck.

I know you are responsible for the advertisement. Are you going to pay for the extra staff I had to put on to take all the phone calls?
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Missing Missy

I opened the door and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me.
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Puppies!

Yes, I know, but there is a new puppy in the house and it is my website so I am posting an article about puppies.
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Statements my offspring has made

One moment he will state something that catches me off guard with its clarity, then the next something that causes me to think he may be mentally handicapped.
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Overdue Account

I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust this settles the matter.
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Opinions are like nipples. Everybody has one.

It's my most fervent opinion that you need to find a highly skilled psychiatrist post-haste and I have left a review on Amazon warning potential buyers.
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Easter Play Permission Slip

Although an advocate of people being entitled to their beliefs, I seem to have developed some form of mental glitch that makes me want to punch Daryl's fat head.
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I wish I had a monkey

This list omits Jetski monkey, Boiling water monkey and Battlestar Galactica Monkey but covers the basic best kinds of monkeys.
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Please design a logo for me. With pie charts. For free.

I quite like Simon, he is like the school teacher that would pull you aside after class and list every bad aspect of your personality while you nod and pretend to listen.
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We are angryface.

This is not an idle threat. If you don’t comply, we will take legal action against you, which will include seeking recovery of our attorneys’ fees.
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Massanutten. Water slides, mini-golf and bears.

I checked with Carol at the mini golf hut and no pants were found on the fence. I doubt any of that really happened.
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Shannon eats lunch

Due to an extendable jaw and high acidic saliva levels, I have found that consuming an orange whole and digesting it over many hours requires no effort at all.
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Dear Neighbour, you are not invited to my party

A few weeks ago, a guy moved into the apartment across from me. I know little about him apart from the fact that he owns cane furniture.
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Twenty five minutes on Chatroulette.com

For every ten video connections, eight were fat men playing with their penis. It was possibly the most pointless website I have ever been on.
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Education should always come secondary to discipline

Just letting you know that Seb bought a flash drive to school yesterday and copied a game onto the computers which is against the school rules.
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Simon's guide to shopping at IKEA

Hello, my name is Simon and I love IKEA so much I want to marry it. Can you believe the prices on glass tea light holders?
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The ducks in the bathroom are not mine.

I cannot have pets in my apartment due to the Strata agreement and the fact that they would need to be taken for walks every day. And I am too lazy for that.
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Dear Blockbuster member, we want our DVDs back

I find it annoying to pay late fees on movies and I am too lazy to return them on time which leaves simply complaining about it.
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Lifesize Lucius™

It seems I may have indicated in a previous post that the purchase of a certain product comes with a free Lifesize Lucius™ doll.
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Simon's good ideas for websites

Hello, my name is Simon and I have compiled a list of my good ideas for websites that would definitely make lots of money. Do not copy these ideas.
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Working out with Jeff

As I am constantly told I am too skinny, last year I paid four hundred and twenty dollars to join a gym. I attended twice.
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Barnesyfan67

I own a Teac television because they are the best. It was ninety dollars but I talked them down to seventy five and got two VHS video's with it.
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Lucius caught in Nigerian email sex scam

Local captain of most teams, including the Lucius Thaller fan club, is safe after his 'safari to riches' became a living nightmare.
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One thousand characters

Writing rubbish on the internet amuses me. There is often a limit of 1000 characters per post so every story has to be within a small paragraph.
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Do you have a MacBook Pro?

I own a MacBook Pro. It's ok if you don't own a MacBook Pro because MacBook Pro's are only for creative people.
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Magic 8 Ball Wednesday

I sent an email to a friend recently, asking several different questions, and he replied with the single answer "Yes, probably."
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Breakthrough medical operation gives new hope for Thomas

It was widely considered that Thomas's head, if allowed to expand further, would develop its own gravitational field affecting planetary rotation.
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Dear tenant, you are grubby and smell of smoke

I am not a great fan of rental property inspections but they are preferrable to rental property inspections without warning.
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Anyone for tennis?

No? Well we are playing tennis anyway. Hello, my name is Holly and I love playing tennis. Not with David though because he cheats.
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The Oprah Interview

Oprah Winfrey interviews David Thorne of 27b/6 in this revealing and intimate one on one converstaion about cats, Lucius and train wrecks.
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Protecting the community from burglars, murderers and blogs

Michael the Police Officer has kindly pointed out that it is a criminal offence to solicit money with the intent to purchase drugs and sell them at a profit."
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Exciting Investment Opportunity

Your invitation to participate in an exciting investment opportunity that promises guaranteed returns in a ready market.
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Roz loves Adelaide

Only in a backwards town like Adelaide would you get dickheads who would write crap like you. You cant even write well. Little dick typical male.
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Highlights of South Australia: Monarto Zoo

The problem is that when people visit Monarto Zoo, they come back and tell people that there are no animals there.
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Hello, my name is Lucius & I would like you to sign for this box

If you have a box and you want it to go somewhere, I will come and get it and take it there instead of you having to do it yourself.
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Working in the design industry is like being a dirty robot whore.

Sometimes I imagine I am a robot programmed not to realise I am a robot and if the code word 'quantifiable' is mentioned, I will explode.
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Frogs

We would take a frog and insert one of those thin fruit box straws into its anus and blow it up like a balloon. Sometimes the frogs would burst.
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One girl, twelve cups

Due to there being an unprecedented twelve coffee cups in the sink, Shannon is outraged by this intrusion on her looking out the window time.
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Hello, my name is Scott and I write a blog

I have been writing a blog for just over eight years. It is a great blog and contains the wittiest stuff on the internet. I have had over five hits.
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Kaleth the Adelaide gothic

I am a creature of the night which is why my friends and I stand in the middle of the Mall during the day discussing bats and being misunderstood.
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Love letters from Dick

I wrote a stupid post a while back regarding the television host 'Rove' and his dead girlfriend. Asking why no-one mentions his dead girlfriend.
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Sponsor a poor black boy

He stinks and ate a rat with maggots today.
How would you like it?
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Lesley the Unicef sponsored woman golfer

Lesley is the adventurous outdoors type with a love of watersports and everything outdoors, including Wasps, fuse boxes and pedestrian crossings.
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Carol Brady's haircut please

It has been rumoured that Thomas takes a photo of Carol Brady to the hairdresser but as this evidence shows, the two haircuts have major differences.
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Bill's guide to the internet

Hello, my name is Bill and this is my guide to the internet. Basically, everything on the internet is rubbish but I will try to pinpoint the main areas to avoid.
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Professional photography tips with Thomas

There is no need for even a basic photography course because once you buy a digital camera you will be a professional photographer like me.
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I'm a good drawer

Hello sir, my name is Jason and I was wondering if your company would be interested in a good drawer? No? Thankyou for your time.
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sheep™

I have always wanted a tattoo but considered people who get tattoos as sheep. As such, there was only one choice of tattoo to be branded with.
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Lillian gets a new mouse

In the tradition of Catch 22 and chicken or the egg, Lillian will have to use her mouse to access any emails warning her 'not to use her mouse'.
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Tom the Sad Caveman

While in a bad mood with Thomas after being told off for wasting time, Lucius printed and added the voice bubble in just four hours of work time.
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The Internet is a Playground by David Thorne

More emails, more articles, more exclusive content. Featuring almost no robots or explosions or exploding robots, the new book is available now.
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News

The second book is out now with all new, never before published material.
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The first book has debuted at #4 on the New York Times Bestseller list.
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